Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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