I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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