We're like a lot better than the average bears
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
