Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
