That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
