it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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