No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who died my cat blue again?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
