well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
