I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
True strength comes from lack of pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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