Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
