Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
