Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's shark week go big or go home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
