Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
