We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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