Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
