I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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