i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
