so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize