your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
