I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
