No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
