So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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