I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This house was built for laser tag.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
