I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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