grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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