Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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