i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
