The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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