This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
