i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
