this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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