I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
