DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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