with your own penis?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize