everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
