Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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