Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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