apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
