I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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