Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
