I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I AM VODKA MAN
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
