I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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