Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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