you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
