Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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