u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
