how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
