Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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