yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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