WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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