Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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