this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
