smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
