i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
