like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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