i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize