sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
