On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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