I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
