i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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