I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
