Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
