I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
