No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
