FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
