just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
