Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will pee on everything he values.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
